2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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