Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Randomize
