I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
