before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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