Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
