she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize