Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize