Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Randomize
