Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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