so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
My ATM looks so different sober.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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