There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
