ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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