now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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