My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize