You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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