I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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