My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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