another moral hangover. fuck.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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