chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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