It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
