And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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