when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
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