If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize