pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
