I can text with my tongue
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
