Midget sex pt 2 tonight
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
