last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
