writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
