If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
