This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
