just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
