Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
