Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
