Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(813): View more from Florida

Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.

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(812): View more from Indiana

I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.

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(601): View more from Mississippi

K. On the way. I need a drink.

(904): View more from Florida

Like a drink drink or like water?

(601): View more from Mississippi

Have we met?

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.

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(631): View more from New York

"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence

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(847): View more from Illinois

Disregard the shoes in the freezer.

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(386): View more from Florida

It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.

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(612): View more from Minnesota

Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me

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