I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
