Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
