I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
