eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
