Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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