This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
