Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
