so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
