There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
