Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
