last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I intend to get homeless drunk
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
