i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Randomize
