I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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