My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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