I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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