i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
