If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize