i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize