3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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