I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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