Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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