My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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