Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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