The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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