Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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