thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
