I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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