just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
