# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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